Journal

10/26 Letting go in my heart last night. Couldn't sleep. Why do they always have to appear to be against us? They say they are for us, its so hard to see it. Losing the faith part of the journey in this, and it seems to be taking on more of a business/corporation feel to it.

My prayer last night: Lord, speak to me. I need you. I'm done. Layin down to you. You're calling me, then you direct me.

I don't know what different looks like, so I cant explain it. We need to be able to see it, i guess. That's ironic to a faith walk, but perfectly good language for someone who can't risk another failure. I see the wisdom in needing to articulate it - but it has been a process that is more painful than I thought.

We are moving in a group, as a group, together. That is difficult, but necessary. How can I lead people to do that? Will they stick around long enough for this journey to pan out? Will we ever be given permission to launch? Lord, when will you answer, speak, and show us how/what this should be?

Does anyone have a compass? Roadmap? Picture of what this looks like?